Why is my toddler so clingy
CLINGY TODDLER OR CHILD: Why it Happens & What to Do!
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back when we were hunters and gatherers
children
survived when they stayed close to their
parents right the children that were far
away and separated from the group
they were more prone to attack and
threat
so your child's clinginess is rooted in
their survival okay
so let's get into some best practices
things that you can do
to turn this behavior around though
because you do have some
some power in this now so let's get into
that
hi hello welcome back to my channel if
you are new here i am dr
jasmine i am a licensed clinical
psychologist and i'm also a mom of two
little girls
and um around here we talk about
positive parenting we talk about child
development and we talk about how to
keep our own sanity
as parents because that's important
right that's about 80 of this whole
parenting gig
um so if you're in it if you if this is
what you're looking for
be sure to subscribe to my channel uh
join the family i would love to have you
um also give this video a thumbs up if
you're looking looking forward to the
content
uh looking forward to learning more
about how to curb your child's
clinginess if you have a you know a
stage four clinger
if you will uh we'll we'll turn this
this around don't worry okay just keep
watching uh but before we get into the
video
i just want to let you guys know i have
a free resource for you guys it's called
the positive parenting checklist
bundle i know it's a mouthful but
basically it's full
full of different checklists all on what
to do
and what to say during the most
difficult
parenting moments like tantrums
aggression not listening
mommy rage and and so much more okay
so they're the checklists are printable
you can put them up in your office
and you buy on your refrigerator um just
you know helpful reminders right because
i got you right i want to help you i
want to help you with this parenting
thing i know i know it's the hardest
thing
we will ever do um so uh be sure to
check it out it's at the
mompsychologist.com forward slash
bundle or in the link will be in the
description description box and also the
comment section of this video
so download your bundle okay get on it
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be sure to tag me on instagram at the
mom psychologist
i would love to see it okay so let's get
into
clingy behavior so let's talk about four
common reasons why
children are clinging in the first place
i think that is so key we have to
understand
what is underlying the behavior right
that is how we will know how we can you
know
meet our child's needs what we need to
be doing as parents a little bit
differently how we can help support them
so
the number one reason why your child
might be clingy is that they're stressed
out
they need more reassurance from you they
need more connection
remember you know when we talk about
secure attachment
one of the biggest things about secure
attachment is being
our our child's secure base right our
child will come to us
and it can look like cleanest when they
are seeking
um when they're seeking safety right and
that's a sign of secure attachment
that's a good thing
okay it's a good thing of course there's
things we can do to
make our child feel more confident less
anxious
i do have some videos about curbing
anxiety so make sure you check it out
after this video if you feel like your
child is a really anxious child but
that's number one reason why they're
clinging on to you is
they need more reassurance and they're
scared of something
the number two reason why your child is
clingy is that the environment
or the schedule is unpredictable
something about
their environment is unpredictable and
again
going back to number one it could be
scary right it could
when children feel like their
environment is unpredictable they feel
out of control and they feel less safe
okay so that's number two reason why
your child might be clingy is
there's a lot of change going on there's
a lot of
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lack of predictability if you will and
that can be causing them to cling on to
you
number three reason why is that they're
bored maybe they're looking for some
stimulation they're climbing all on top
of you and clinging on to you
because they want some more interaction
and they're not sure how to
ask for it or how to get their need met
in a more
socially appropriate way okay
number four reason is that they're
seeking limits okay children often will
quote unquote misbehave
because they're they're seeking some
input from us they want to know where
they can go and where they can't go
they're testing some boundaries
it's normal it's natural
and sometimes then they're gonna need us
to put up some boundaries
so so that they can get that question
answered a lot of times
your child is asking you a question can
i do this what will happen if i do this
and more importantly okay so you got to
give them that answer
you got to be that calm confident leader
and you got to answer those
important questions that they're asking
you they're not going to ask you
it verbally they're going to tell you
through their behavior so sometimes
cleanness uh poor boundaries can be a
sign that they are
testing boundaries and they need some
more clearer
answers for from you okay
so most importantly let's get into the
quick tips on
what to do to curb the clean behavior
because there's things that you can do
number one thing is to be proactive
about giving your child positive
attention okay don't wait
until your child is practically begging
you
for attention through their negative
behavior because here's the thing
our attention is so powerful to children
they will work
so hard for attention whether it's
positive
or negative they don't care okay they
just want some attention
okay and so we have to as parents
just make sure that we're being
proactive about giving them
lots of positive attention before
they're practically begging and knocking
down the door
for attention okay because clinginess
again
can be a sign that they want more
interaction they want more connection
they want more reassurance there's
something that they're needing in that
relationship
so just be sure to be proactive about it
okay
now that of course you want to try to
meet your child's need when they are
clingy
but you want to in the back of your mind
always be trying to be
one step ahead of that okay being pro
that's what it means like being
proactive right not waiting until they
are clinging
to give them attention do it when they
are calm
and they're just you know doing
something randomly they're sitting at
the
they're sitting maybe they're sitting at
the table playing so quietly with their
trains right
and you're like wow you come and sit by
them you're like wow that looks so
fun oh you're playing with the blue
train and you're doing xyz now if you
struggle with pretend play
be sure to check out my video i'll
pretend play because i do break down
best practices when it comes to that but
play is a wonderful way to give your
child that positive attention okay so
don't sleep on play
okay don't do it especially if you have
a stage four clear
that is gonna be one of your best
antidotes antidotes is that the right
word i don't know
other thing keep your routine in your
structure again going back to the point
number two that sometimes children can
become clingy when there's a lot of
change there's a lot of stress there's a
lot of input
unpredictability so make sure you're
keeping your routines the biggest
routines to keep
are the times when they eat
they sleep and they play okay everything
else can be a little
good add a little variety a little
spontaneity to it
um but when especially eating and
sleeping you want to keep those the same
keep your routines the same because
children don't have a good concept of
time okay but they do have a good
concept of sequence right this happens
and this happens and then this happens
and then this happens and then this
happens right
so you want to give them some
predictability give them some safety by
keeping it very consistent throughout
the day the other thing
establish boundaries okay this
this is a whole master class if you're a
part of the mom sisterhood
in my private parenting coaching
community
then you know we talk a lot about
consequences and boundaries and
discipline and all of that
and everywhere in between but you want
to get really good at establishing
boundaries
so don't be afraid to say space please
or please sit over here or
i see you want to climb you can climb
over there right give them boundaries
let them know where they can and can't
do things right
um and if they are jumping all over you
it's a huge disservice to let that
happen
if you are truly and honestly feeling
uncomfortable if your body is feeling
uncomfortable you want to place
boundaries around that right because
there's so many things there's so many
benefits to this but the biggest one
the biggest one that i think or the
biggest one that's coming to my mind
right now
is the fact that that is such good
modeling right your child is gonna know
how to respond to people
when they feel like somebody is invading
their space
right or doing something that they don't
like they're gonna know exactly the
words to say
to get their needs met in an appropriate
way okay so it's a great
teaching experience to model if they're
climbing on you
and clean all on top of you and you're
starting to feel uncomfortable
let them know that okay that oh that
doesn't feel good on my body
space please or here's what you can do
instead here's what we can do instead
right
um powerful powerful messages on
boundaries
communication and getting your needs met
so to summarize i think um
i want to summarize it in a mantra that
maybe you can tell yourself
today and maybe other days when your
child is
being clingy or even just doing behavior
you don't really understand
is to say my child's behavior is telling
me something
okay behavior is always a form of
communication they're always telling me
something through their behavior
through their verbal cues and their
nonverbal cues which is the behavior
okay
so my so again let me get back on track
with the mantra
my child's behavior is trying to tell me
something
today i will listen in on what they're
telling me through their actions
today i will listen in on what they're
telling me through
their actions okay uh so thumbs up this
video if you got any value from it if it
was helpful at
all let me know in the comments below do
you have a stage work cleaner
what other questions about this topic do
you
do you have i would love to hear it um
make sure again you're subscribed to my
channel so you don't miss
any of my videos don't forget to
download my free research
which is the positive parenting
checklist bundle for more guidance on
what to do and what to say during the
most
challenging parenting moments like
cleanness light tantrum light aggression
like not listening all right that is it
for this video i hope you guys enjoyed
it and i will see you in the next one
bye
