I'm coach cremini and this is my video
coaching newsletter and the topic of
today's newsletter is going to be exes
liking your social media posts I've got
an email here from a guy who broke up
with his girlfriend who really was like
somebody was kind of on again off again
over the course of about ten months and
he had is apparently there was a guy
that she worked with
that he got very jealous of and accused
her of being interested in this guy and
it basically led to the her breaking up
with him again
and so after they broke up he noticed
that she's continued to like and
interact with his post so I think was
Facebook and Twitter and like 1 o'clock
in the morning late at night one night
he noticed that she sent like 6 texts in
a row well he waited till respond the
next day and it's obvious she was drunk
drunk texting him
so her response is back to him have kind
of got him scratches head thick and what
the [ __ ] so I got a quote that I wrote
this topic and I want to go through his
email and decipher what it really means
there he also shares a text exchange
that he had with her when he reached out
to her so he can ask me to decipher it
and what the hell it really means
because he can't make heads or tails of
it so the quote that I wrote says
psychological studies have shown that
people who constantly post on social
media how great and fabulous their life
is and how happy they are usually are
just the opposite you never really know
what is going on in other people's heads
and hearts so the next time you feel
depressed about your ex or other people
who seem to be enjoying their lives when
you are not take it with a grain of salt
because it is usually just BS and false
advertising when an ex continues liking
and commenting on your social media
posts after a breakup but doesn't
address or message you directly ignore
them because they are just phishing to
see if you respond if an ex
is really missing you regrets a breakup
and wants to see you they will engage
you directly in comments or in text
emails private messages etc
in other words if somebody's just going
along liking your posts and commenting
or interacting with other people that
are commenting but they're not
addressing you by name directly or
they're not sending you private messages
or text then just ignore all that
[ __ ] because really what's going on
is they're just fishing around and
throwing that out there to see if you
jump on it or it's like you're just
fishing around to see what your interest
is and what your situation might be and
when you don't do anything it causes
them to be a little bit bolder if
they're interested in considering coming
back so with that mind let's go through
his email he says dear coach my
girlfriend and I have been dating for 10
months kind of on and off but still
pretty serious recently I got insecure
and accused her of having feelings for
another guy she works with the first
time she just got mad and disappointed
and told me no the second and third time
she got very upset and was bawling on
the phone telling me she didn't know she
wanted to be with me is you're basically
communicating to her that you don't
trust her now maybe there is a reason
for you not to trust her maybe he's
doing something but if the reason you're
doing this really is because you're
insecure or you see this other guy that
she works with as being more attractive
or he's more successful he has more
money than you and you feel inferior and
so you and she's nice and friendly to
him and you don't like the fact that
she's nice and friendly to him well
that's really your own [ __ ] but if
there's something more there that's why
it's important to just be a detective
and see what she does because at the end
of the day if somebody's gonna cheat on
you there's not a [ __ ] thing you can
do about it there's two kinds of people
in this world people that place a high
value on loyalty and doing the right
thing and there's other people that
really don't give a [ __ ] they don't care
who they screw up with or whose
relationship they ruin or whose marriage
that they ruin all they care about is
themselves and cheaters tend to cheat on
the people who they cheat with
originally and that's why it's just if
you're looking if having a long-term
monogamous exclusive relationship
especially if you want to have kids and
make sure the kids are yours you don't
get involved with those kinds of people
those kinds of you are great to have an
open
ship with friends-with-benefits x-play
mate that kind of relation cuz they're
just incapable of being and behaving and
communicating in a way that's going to
facilitate and exclude some relationship
actually working so he says i tried
reaching out to her the next day and she
resisted so I gave her space for about
two days at which point I sent her an
apology she replied with this I really
appreciate that you took the time to
apologize to me Bob it's not his real
name he says it means more or she said
in her response it means more than you
know I really hate the things had to end
this way between us but it's just how it
has to be right now I don't think you're
a monster at all but I think that your
fear of getting hurt was ultimately our
downfall on the same token she also
could have forgiven him but if he was a
pest about it and if it wasn't just to
do it at work it was just other guys in
general or he was insecure in general
that's going to turn any woman off or
she could have really not that because
you said it yourself it's on-again
off-again so obviously you've been doing
more than screwing things up by being
jealous so there's probably other little
things that you're doing and that's
where the book that I've written can
help you you can help psyche
self-diagnose because maybe she just at
the time she really wasn't that into you
and then when you again accused her of
screwing around this other guy or having
feelings for this guy at work that gave
her an excuse to say [ __ ] it let's
breakup and therefore it's all your
fault in other words the punish and make
you feel even worse than you already do
I would have never hurt you Bob as part
of me was so happy when you said you
love me and you'd be the right man for
me but it was horrible timing other
words it sounds like you gave her this
speech that you probably saw in a lot of
movies for the guy gives her his
pedigree and says I'll be a great guy oh
that sounds wonderful let's do it let's
be in a relationship
let's run off and get married but it was
horrible timing so she calls it horrible
timing for you supposedly being the
right man Andrea
Nadia she wasn't that into you I wanted
to spend my life with you
have your kids come home to you every
day then I spent a week trying to fall
out of love with you it made me sick to
my stomach how much I hated the thought
of losing you so what this tells me and
she's a little [ __ ] up herself she
can't get past this one and she still
cares about you but she's not willing to
forgive you she's going to keep
punishing you and keeping you at arm's
length at a distance because she can't
deal with it now keep in mind like I
talked about the book is that whatever a
woman's feeling when she's with you
that's what she's going to associate
with being with you and if more often
than not which she associates with being
with you is negative well eventually a
relationship just ain't gonna last very
long but keep in mind you gotta have a
woman who's willing to communicate and
talk things out because women who don't
communicate and talk things out and I've
dated a few of them in my life
it's just impossible it'll it'll [ __ ]
never work because what happens is
resentment builds within you because
she's not opening up and talking to you
and resentment builds up in her because
she won't they were talking about
anything she's just constantly getting
more and more pissed off until she blows
up at you and just ends the relationship
and then you just end up walking away
from it scratching your head going what
the [ __ ] but the reality is they didn't
make it easy for you people who are good
communicators they work things out it's
like this point in my life I used to
have lots of people when I was younger
in my I didn't have business partners
that would get pissed off and accused me
of things instead of just sitting down
and talking things out in a commenter I
had friends that were like that I even
dated women that were like that what I'm
doing right now it's like every single
person that's in my life
we talk things out in a calm a mature
adult manner and the people when I
encounter people that don't it's like
they just don't last in my life because
I just I don't have time for that
[ __ ] say what you mean and mean what
you say or get the [ __ ] out of my life
it's a good policy to have because if
you tolerate anybody that tends to
create drama and you allow them to bring
that in your life then you get you you
participate in which you observe and so
if you allow us in your life well now
you're
just fading in it have making your life
a drama-free zone is a great commitment
to make to yourself but you can't
tolerate [ __ ] like that and like I said
these two sentences here tell me that
she's a little [ __ ] up she loves you
she cared or she cares about I would not
say so much that she loves you but it's
not like she doesn't give a flying [ __ ]
about you and you mean nothing to her
she still cares about you but she's
keeping you at arm's length because she
doesn't believe it's gonna work
obviously she could she's but also
fearful that it's not going to work so
instead of talking and working things
out she's keeping you at arm's length
but yet she's still liking your facebook
posts but then I picked myself up and
she says but then I picked myself up and
reminded myself that love sucks
sometimes and there is nothing I could
do about it a part of me will always
love you Bob
always and I hope you never forget that
you will always hold a space in my heart
it's amazing how women say to the [ __ ]
same [ __ ] when they're dumping you
doesn't matter what country they're from
they all say the same [ __ ] if we were
meant to be we'll find a way back to
each other but for now we're just better
off apart obviously because her
attraction law was low there's probably
a good chance maybe she's got her eye on
another dude and if she ends up going
out with this other guy from work that's
why it's best to do nothing and just sit
back and observe and see what she does
and then you'll get to see you know
because especially she starts dating
this other guy from work then you know
that your spidey sense was tingling for
a reason because she just wasn't trust
away but that's why you date people to
begin with I just found my relationships
are like this for ten months or just you
know back and forth on and off again
once the guy radically changes his
behavior if the other person's normal
and somewhat healthy and they're a good
communicator
you'll be able to work it out and things
will be great but if she's [ __ ] up and
just not able to communicate then it'll
never get any better because then you'll
see for what it is that she's creating
just as many problems as you used to I
honestly wish nothing but the best for
you and I mean that I didn't rip lot he
says then I I didn't reply and let
things be since I thought at least some
of it was a bit
cheesy we are still friends and follow
each other on Twitter and I couldn't
help but notice she was liking my posts
and photos and also tweeting some very
deep stuff about missing me that's why
you do nothing about that you let her
tweet oh I miss so-and-so I don't feel
like I used to I the love my life is
known whatever she happens to be saying
she's not addressing you directly she's
just throwing her saw thoughts out there
it's like she's throwing a hook in the
water and see if you grab on to it
finally about three days after the
break-up she messaged me one night was
six messages in a row saying I miss you
sorry I'm a wittle drunk probably
shouldn't say that I'm sorry bye he says
I didn't respond to the next morning and
then the conversation went like this and
he says to her are you okay she replies
back yeah I'm okay
sorry I was just a little drunk last
night now what I would do in a situation
like this was like well hey it was nice
hearing from you and I appreciate those
sweet things you said even though you
were drunk obviously you said what was
really on your mind I'd love to see you
and let's make dinner together when are
you free and made a date that's what I
would have done but he doesn't do that
instead he kind of goes around in
circles and kind of a pointless
conversation she says thanks for asking
though and then he says no problem and
she says how have you been he says I've
been busy you and she says same just
working all the time now and then he
says I see you've been thinking about me
lately weirdo lol she says why do you
think that lol oh because of my text
last night my bad and then he says yeah
you were being weird lol because I just
know and she says well I was drunk and I
and don't act like you haven't been
thinking about me lol anyways sorry
about that I'll talk to you later and
she just kind of leaves a conversation
there clicking away she's doing what she
naturally felt like doing when she had a
couple drinks in her butt and once she
sobered up she's no no way I uh
you know I have feelings for you I got
to stay away from you and then he says
and maybe just a little
that alright see ya and he says and then
he later sends her a text Jessica that
was stupid of me to say and it's not how
I feel if you miss me it's cool you
don't need to hide it or feel bad about
it and then she says I don't know what
to say to that being vague and she says
I do feel bad for saying it because I
shouldn't we said our goodbyes and
that's how it should be right now and
then he says I just want to apologize
for being sarcastic as all and she says
that's okay I wasn't offended so he's
apologizing for something's because he's
like oh my god make [ __ ] day dude
that's what I would have done he says I
didn't respond after that but she
continues to like my post on Facebook
and gives me subtle hints I couldn't
help but think that she was dropping
hints in our brief conversation that she
wanted me to say something meaningful
again just like I talked about seven
principles connects back make a [ __ ]
date assume the reason she's reaching
out as she's missing you make a date
make her come to you she's the one who
dumped you therefore she's got to earn
you back I notice a lot of times when I
talk to guys are doing phone session
like yeah I read that that seven
principles get next back so why'd you go
pick her up
oh well you know they give me all kinds
of excuses and they go they agree to
meet her for lunch and nothing ever
happens and you wonder why it's going
nowhere it's like I put it out there
it's you know black and white it's in a
video and it's if you're just going to
ignore what I put out there what works
and I've done countless videos or the
emails of guys that did it at work and
then you do the opposite you basically
continue doing what you were doing
before which didn't get you the results
you wanted and then you're scratching
your head go on
I'm so confused I don't understand
what's going on my question to you is in
your experience do you think I should
have stepped in and made a move asking
her to hang out I would immediately done
that hey I got your messages last night
it's really sweetie you say you know I
miss you too
and I'm thinking about you I'd really
love to see you when he free to get
together and make dinner together at my
place if she gives you any BS and say
great well when you figure it out or
when you decide where you're able to be
or you just say what you want get in
touch and we'll
talked in and then you'll ask her out
one more time when she reaches out to
you after that and then from that point
forward you'll just hey thanks a lot
appreciate for saying that
gotta run keep in touch you're just
never going to invest any energy into it
once you've asked her out twice now
she's going to do a hundred percent of
calling texting pursuing from now when
you're the one who gets dumped the other
person is the one that dumps you they
have to do 100 percent of calling text
from assuming because they're the one
that [ __ ] up so therefore if they
regret it because what basically
happened in a breakup is they decided I
don't want to make the effort anymore
I don't want to try I want to
communicate I want to talk it out I
don't want to work it out I just want to
end and I just want to run away or I
just want to walk away and that's what
they do and if you still want to work it
out but they're unwilling is what can
you do nothing they're not willing to
try you're not there to kiss her ass or
talk them into it it's just that's what
they want great call me if you change
your mind they're the ones that walked
away therefore they have to earn you
back you got to perceive yourself as a
catch and stop putting the other person
on a pedestal and kissing their ass and
chasing after them and just because they
called you once doesn't mean you start
blowing up their phone every day I had a
guy I talked to the other day
girl texted me after like a month yeah
after they broke up she reached out to
him one time he talked for a while
didn't make a date the next time she
reached out kind of went around and
round around in circles he asked her out
for a date and then he starts calling
her every day after that trying to get
her to go out it's like it's like dude
you went right back to the same behavior
that got you rejected why on earth would
you think it and plus she's you've
already tried it
you call her several days ago and she
says no one yet you're still calling her
every other day no how about tomorrow
how about the day after that it's like
you're making it difficult on yourself
it's like no self-respecting self loving
human being man or woman is going to put
up with that [ __ ] you're gonna say I'm a
catch I got a lot to offer somebody if
you don't see the value in that well you
know what it's your loss because I'm
gonna find somebody who does see the
value in that and somebody who will make
the effort that you weren't willing to
make you don't get what you deserve in
life you only get what you negotiate so
he says did I actually say too much and
hurt my chances
you didn't help your chances let's put
it that way you just kind of went around
in circles you didn't get to the point
you didn't follow what I taught and
seven principles good next back you
didn't follow what I taught in the book
so he just kind of Splendor wheels and
didn't really get anywhere should I
continue with your no contour absolutely
she dumped you she blew you off
therefore she's got to earn you back
which I understand I slightly broke if
she does text me again should I ignore
that no nowhere anywhere in my work do I
say that you just ignore a person's
texts or phone calls I own a lot of you
guys or following other people that say
ignore somebody for 30 days and then
start replying it's ridiculous they're
the whole reason for walking away and
never looking back is so if they regret
it they reach out to you and they reach
out to you that's what you want they're
contacting you it's their idea so the
chances when you ask them out when they
do call you are really high that they're
going to accept that because I contacted
you it was there it was their idea
review the article seven principles get
an axe back and actually follow it and
apply it and get to the point stop
dithering and hesitating and acting like
a dog Chasen's [ __ ] tail because you
get nowhere dude shooting yourself in
the foot and you're making a lot harder
than it needs to be so if you'd like to
get my help personally the quickest way
is a book a paid phone Skype or email
coaching session you can choose any of
those options by going to my website
clicking the products tab at the top of
your screen and just follow the
instructions for booking whichever
option works best for you and I shall
talk to you soon
you