Why is my ex girlfriend so cold to me
Why My Ex Is Cold and Mean To Me?
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this is coach lee and i'm going to talk
to you about why the dumper acts so cold
after a breakup over the years a lot of
people have expressed their dismay their
hurt and their surprise
at this person who they thought they
knew who's now broken up with him but in
addition to that is acting coldly or
even cruelly or hateful toward them so
it's not just that this person has
broken up with them but now
they're being mean they're being hateful
and the question is why why would this
person who loved me seemingly a day ago
a week ago a month ago why would they
treat me so harshly now this even seems
more difficult to swallow because you
would think that the other person would
have some sympathy towards you that
you're going through this pain that they
can clearly see you're experiencing and
yet they behave this way so i'm going to
give you some insight into that and it
might help you understand them a little
better and that they don't fully mean to
do this to you and they're not aware a
lot of times or they have reason to do
it that they feel is protecting
themselves so let's dive in the first
thing is that your ex feels certain in
the moment
and what i mean by that beyond the
obvious is that you having all this
doubt does not relate to them they don't
understand it because it's not going on
inside of them they don't have that
doubt now with what i teach to help you
get your ex back like the no contact
rule and other things it can help them
to have some of that doubt and that's
important because you need them to first
of all doubt their decision but secondly
to doubt how they viewed you and that is
that you were less attractive than them
and that they could get you back at any
second i get into that in a lot of other
videos and my emergency breakup kit but
for this video just know that at the
moment your ex is so certain of their
decision that any opposition to that is
frustrating it's like when you know what
you want but someone else is trying to
talk you out of it and i'll get into
more of that in just a little bit number
two is that they have already had these
conversations in their mind you see
usually most breakups happen over a long
period of time at least weeks months
even years in some situations where this
person thinks about wanting it they
don't feel the attraction they felt for
you at one point the relationship
doesn't feel the same sometimes they
even use the word boring which sometimes
can be shallow but they reach a point
where they think i don't want this and
they pull themselves back and they have
these internal conversations that a lot
of times you aren't privy to sometimes
they talk to you about it hopefully they
did and sometimes maybe you don't fully
hear that or you think changes have been
made or this person is immature and so
when things are not just super exciting
and the fireworks and the limerence of
the beginning of a relationship they see
the relationship is over
that's how they feel about it so they
have these conversations where they try
to talk themselves into staying i'll
give it another weekend i'll give it
another week i'll give it another month
and if things don't change eventually
they become numb to it and they just
decide it's over and so when you start
trying to talk them into staying
it's as though they've already had this
argument they've already had this
discussion and sometimes literally they
have already had these conversations
with you other times they've just had
them inside of their mind and so they're
frustrated they're having to do it again
and also it feels like you aren't
validating what they think and feel as
though you're saying i don't care that
you feel this way or you don't really
feel this way and that's one of the
worst if you ever tell them no you do
want to be with me you do still love me
and they do in their own way in a
general sense usually or in a friendship
sense but you don't want that you want a
romantic relationship with them and so
that's the problem and it's as though
you are saying that they don't know how
they feel that they don't know their own
feelings which will only push them away
so do not do that but for them it didn't
come overnight and so when we have
thought about something for a long time
usually we're much more confident with
it we're much more confident to act and
it's much more difficult to talk us out
of it because we know we have thought
these things we've gone back and forth
and we've spent a lot of time with it a
lot of sleepless nights and a lot of
difficult days and so when someone tries
to talk us out of it a lot of times our
response can be bitter and cold and so
don't be surprised if that happens but
also
stop trying to talk them out of it you
need to give them the breakup and i talk
about that a lot so that's probably not
news for those of you who watch my
videos but giving them the breakup is
actually one of the most attractive
things you can do before i get to the
third thing that causes your ex to be
cruel take a quick second and click the
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new video number three they feel that
you are preventing them from getting
what they want so
if they want the breakup and as i
mentioned in point number one at the
moment they feel that they do they are
certain of this now i have said before
there can be a little bit of doubt and
it still feel like certainty and that's
where they are the certainty or at least
the part of them that wants this is more
than the part of them that does not want
the breakup and so they push forward as
though they are certain and so if they
are certain of what they want and you
are the one who's trying to pull them
away from it they feel you're keeping
them from getting what they want you're
keeping them from freedom and so in many
ways you are their captor you are
imprisoning them you're trapping them
and they feel like they can't escape and
you don't want them to feel that way
because that's not attractive that's why
it's so important to give them the
breakup and to back off because
if they feel like you are trying to keep
them from it and they really want it
then they pull and push and fight even
harder to get away from you and they go
further away from you so there's more
ground to have to make up to get back to
where they think that they want to get
back together or they're at least
considering it so do not push and if you
have been pushing stop now don't push
them away any further because even
though it may not feel good to give that
to them the fact that you're not pushing
them away further and that you're
actually not making them feel like they
need to run away from you gives them
away back and i talk about that in a lot
of other videos and in my emergency
breakup kit and if you want information
on my emergency breakup kit go to
myexbackcoach.com
and the link will be in the description
below number four is that they don't
want to know you're hurting and some of
this is immature because it's like they
don't want to have to see you hurt they
want to just be able to walk away from
this unscathed and you be unscathed and
you both just go on your merry way
that's what they think they want but
they really don't want that because if
you don't show pain
and if you give them the breakup and
don't chase them it hurts their ego
because it's like am i not worth chasing
why are they not fighting to keep me am
i not just super sexy and attractive
like i thought i was it also makes them
think that you might be more attractive
than they thought you were and that's
the key to a breakup attraction fail
emotional attraction usually and
sometimes physical attraction can fall
and when emotional attraction falls
physical attraction is right behind it
because they're connected physical
attraction starts with your eye and goes
to emotional attraction but as emotional
attraction is eroded physical attraction
can go with it and so they have this
thought of you viewing you as lower on
the attraction totem pole than they
originally thought when you two first
started getting together and so if they
think that you're not in pain whereas at
first they may prefer that it will
actually get to them in a good way for
you as time goes on so basically they
are cruel because when they see you hurt
it makes them feel bad it makes them
feel guilty and so in some ways they
turn you into the enemy that you are now
causing their pain that your pain is
causing their pain and so they don't
want to hurt and so they're mad at you
for it and sometimes that's what a
narcissist will do someone who is just
so self-centered that they don't have
empathy for someone else but in this
case a lot of times it's when an ex
feels like things just need to happen
this way because this is what they want
and they're tired of feeling guilty
about it or seeing you hurt and it's not
the best character example but it is
realistic and is what a lot of them feel
in this situation and so while i'm not
telling you not to hurt because that's
ridiculous i am telling you if you can
don't show it because at the moment you
need to show strength and they need to
feel like you could get away you could
move on and you could right you were
strong enough if you don't believe that
you need to start telling yourself that
because in order for you to get your ex
back they need to believe that you could
move on and that one day they could want
you back if they were to change their
mind and you could not be gotten back
that is the genesis of attraction being
re-established the fifth thing your ex
is less patient when attraction has
fallen and what i mean by that is if you
are very attracted to someone you are
more patient with them they can mess
things up they can misunderstand you
they can flake on you and you seem to be
a little bit more lacks with them it's
okay but as attraction falls you
actually lose patience and it's just
human nature because we're not perfect
but if they are romantic potential or
you thought they were an attraction
falls then you lose patience for them
and your ex is cruel because they lose
patience for you they don't want to hear
you trying to talk them into it anymore
they don't want to hear how much you
love them they don't want to interact
with you especially if they've told you
to stop talking to them or that they
need space or something like that after
a breakup you need to give them the
breakup and give them your silence and
if you keep giving them that because of
the fact that they
thought so low of you as far as
attractiveness goes emotional attraction
that they could leave whenever you're
around them now you are putting
something in front of them that is
unattractive and so you're just
reinforcing it and so what you need to
do is back off so that your attraction
can rebuild and reignite and i have an
online workshop coming up you can get
more information about it at
relationshipreignite.com
relationshipreignite.com but it's an
online workshop where i help people who
are trying to get their ex back and this
is one of the things i'm going to talk
about a lot is how important it is to
give them the breakup back off and stay
away so that you're not putting your
most unattractive foot forward but
you're going to allow attraction to
rebuild and so those are a few of the
reasons that a dumper is often so cold
this has been coach lee and as always
thank you for watching
