Why is my boyfriend so jealous
How to Deal With A Jealous Partner
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I've had some requests to expand on a
topic I discussed a few weeks ago the
topic was jealousy now previously we
were talking about casual dating but
today we're going to talk relationships
what do you do when your partner has an
issue with unjustified jealousy I'm
going to give you four rock-solid
strategies for handling a jealous
partner in a relationship hey it's mark
here founder of making yours and creator
of find love and five steps stay tuned
[Music]
okay so previously we were talking about
casual relationships and the basic
premise of that video was you don't you
don't have to accept jealousy in casual
relationships because the guy hasn't
invested enough to earn it from you but
when it's your partner when it's your
boyfriend
in a relationship that's a different
matter that's a guy who has made big
investment in you and he does have a
right to express his feelings and have
them heard jealousy can be really toxic
to relationships the problem is if you
just cater to it whenever it comes up
you'll end up having to stop doing the
things you love just to keep the peace
now in the long-term that's obviously
not a good thing is going to breed
resentment so what do you do how do you
handle this problem to bring back a
happy relationship so rule number one
and let me make this really clear rule
number one his jealousy is not is not
your fault
so you made me jealous when you flirted
with this guy or I wouldn't be jealous
if you acted that way or even something
like only check up on you because I love
you things like this is a partner
putting their feelings onto you and
blaming their jealousy on you so jealous
partners will guilt trip you in that way
into believing that the dead jealousy is
your fault and the problem is if you buy
into this you end up in the worst kind
of lose-lose situation option one you
can stop doing the things you love and
lose part of who you are in the process
which is going to breed resentment but
option two if you keep doing the things
you love you're then going to feel
horrible about yourself for doing them
because the whole time you'll feel like
you're hurting your partner because
you've taken on the responsibility for
their pain soon you're going to start
hating
activity that you used to love so this
is where you have to really take an
honest look at yourself and ask one
simple question is this thing I'm doing
this activity that my partner is jealous
over is it really an innocent thing that
I just enjoy for myself if your answer
is yes then you cannot take
responsibility for his feelings of
jealousy so for example if you have a
guy friend you hang out with and you can
be honest with yourself and say this guy
really is just a friend he always has
been it purely platonic or if you have a
bar job where maybe you do get hit on
sometimes but you do that job because
you love it and you're passionate about
the bar industry and would never do
anything it's respectful to your partner
because of it if that's the case you
cannot stop doing these things you love
just to appease his jealousy and this is
what leads me to rule number two is
reassure him without giving up the
things you love so if you stop doing the
innocent things you love just to keep
the peace you're going to establish a
pattern that empowers that jealousy
essentially you reward the behavior so
rather than helping him grow and growing
together with him as a couple he learns
that he can use jealousy every time he
feels uncomfortable he never learns
coping strategies he just becomes a pro
at using jealousy right jealousy
ultimately stems from insecurity now we
all have insecurities that's totally
normal but you're not helping your
partner grow through his by just
submitting to them instead help him deal
with them by reassuring him for example
let's say he's jealous and makes a big
deal out of you having lunch with a male
friend the wrong way to go about this
situation would be to not see the friend
at all and just appease his jealousy
essentially what you're doing is you're
enabling it and you're establishing a
pattern where you reward and encourage
that behavior but it would be just as
wrong to get pissed off at him or not
respond to him at all and then go see a
friend anyway that's not really helping
him grow through the insecurities either
he's just going to sit at home probably
driving himself insane thinking about
the two of you and what you're doing and
then cause you a ton of drama when you
get home the right way to go about the
situation is to sit him down maybe the
day before maybe earlier in the day and
say basically say this look boyfriend
you know me and Mitch have been best
friends for a long time you know it's
platonic and you know
in love with you I am I'm coming home to
you and until you mess up really badly I
always will
so if that's not enough for you let me
know but I'm still going to be myself in
this relationship can you trust me and
can you handle that so you're being very
reassuring while also being firm with
him the next rule rule number three is
don't try to love him out of it we
constantly get bombarded with this
message you know true love conquers all
you know the classic Hollywood story
once we have love at our backs we're
empowered to chase our dreams and forget
all of our fears what this leads to is
the mindset that if we love our partners
enough it will give them the strength to
break through their jealousy and fears
and unfortunately Isis this is it isn't
true if every time a dog barks you go
and Pat the dog then that dog is just
going to keep barking and if you give
your partner absolute undying love and
attention every time he gets jealous you
establish a pattern where he knows he
can get quality attention from you just
by displaying jealousy again this isn't
to say you don't reassure him if he's if
he's jealous and he has those
insecurities which we all do you're
probably going to have to reinsure him
more than maybe a more confident guy but
what you can't do is dish it out as a
response almost like a monkey pressing a
button his strength to conquer his
insecurities won't come from your love
it has to come from inside him and to
find it he's going to have to face his
insecurities which means you have to put
him in a position to do that
so reassure him and love him absolutely
100% but don't fall into the trap of
thinking your love is all it will take
mostly he has to find a strength for
himself and finally rule number four is
the more he can own it the better he'll
do so if your partner is the type that
can put an ego aside admit his jealousy
and is willing to work on it with you
then you have a partner with potential
to change and grow he'll be willing to
implement strategies he'll be willing to
show more emotional awareness he may
even be willing to come and see someone
with you to help himself out and help
him grow through it a man that's open to
change is always a man that can succeed
so even if your partner is very over
jealous and very crazy if he's willing
to work on it and take action there is
always hope for a happy and long-lasting
relationship so to summarize the worst
thing you can do is make yourself
responsible for his feelings and then
encourage his jealousy by giving in to
it you'll only end up losing yourself
and resenting him rule number one his
jealousy as long as what you're doing is
innocent is not your fault
number two reassure him without giving
up things that make you you number three
don't try to love him out of it he
shouldn't be able to press a jealous
button and get your love and attention
on command he has to be given some space
to face his fears and number four the
more he can own it the better he'll do
if he's the type of guy who can work on
it he's definitely capable of a
fulfilling relationship so that's it
thanks for watching I hope that gives
you a plan to help deal with your
partner's jealousy in your relationship
if you having further difficulties post
your question below in the comments
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